I Live Four Weeks At A Time
While sipping my favorite coffee and enjoying the company of a colleague, a rhetorical question floated to the top of the conversation: “How would things change if there were only 30 more days to live?” I’d already known my answer, but, I’ve perfected the art of word choice in recent months to allow levity and lightheartedness to remain front and center. Yet, the fact remains that in my pursuit of living without regret, I’ve been living with a more joyfully conscious awareness of finite time since March 2022.
A Serendipitous Moment
I’d just finished a silent argument. Do you know the kind? A loved one or family member commits an act that leaves you hurting afterward, but, since it’s not the first occurrence, you… remain silent. Inside, my thoughts and emotions were on rapid fire, arguing with myself about the level of rationality I should have. I stepped out into the main hallway and looked out of the window to ground myself when I noticed the basketball court. Immediately, I grabbed an elevator, walked out of the building, and took a fast and short walk to the court and pool area. There was a family of five laughing and splashing away at the pool. Nearby, a man with a car had its doors open and music was booming from within. To my left, a man lay on the basketball court. The ball was rolling. He was alone. My mind was still on the argument that didn’t happen upstairs, but the rest of my body was cold and clammy standing in the 89 degree Texas heat as it was drawn to the immobile body sprawled beside the rolling basketball. I approached the body without caution. His eyes were closed, his mouth wide open and his left shoe was off. Was I the only one that had noticed?
Living or dying while living?
Over the years, I had regularly timed seizures, administered epipens, or monitored health stats for students with moderate health needs in the classroom. Because of my teaching experience, I had developed a stronger connection to environmental awareness and responsiveness…